Monthly Archives August 2018

All that I have to say about this is while it’s become a thing to blame illegal immigration for taking jobs my father was a mainframe programmer and he went through a period where it was hard to find jobs to switch from the job he had because there was a drought of jobs and a large part of it was because the multinational huge corporations he worked for basically were outsourcing as much as possible and had sent many jobs to india and china and one way to get attention was to write on a forum dedicated to helping people learn mainframes and help with them and help other users figure out how to use the mainframe because it would demonstrate your skills to employers

the indians were basically incompetent at the jobs they were being hired for and wanted them to write the code for them inst...

Although during my adolescence my best friend was male in High school this was the exception to the Norm.

I really only hang out with Exceptional Boys. I’m VERY picky about the boys I keep around. Way more so than I am about girls.

So if we’re close hats off to you-

You must be special.

I had mostly female besties during Early adolescence and childhood.

Most of my class mates had no idea how close me and Sarah were before she went crazy.

we would sleep over at each others houses- like Dawson and Joey in Dawson’s creek.

we watched movies.

She was a book worm.

much more normal for my bestie to be female.

I basically prefer women for everything.

I really wonder what the Jealous type of girl would think about all my female friends.

Although most of the women I interact with these days ar...

I spend a lot of time in my room.

of all the ENFPs I know I’m the most introverted.

and I know we’re the most introverted extraverts but DAMN.

my Hobbies were all I had.

Video games and music and the like were the only things that didn’t judge you. Anime.

I’m an escapist. and my interior landscape is vast. 

vaster than the oceans.

Space. 

…

I know better. I’ve had that delusion completely shattered by my experiences. 

Nobody should have to endure this.

Not like the people who just wish somebody else would suffer like they did- I want to leave a better world in my wake.

Seether – Broken ft. Amy Lee

Carrie by Stephen king.

Oh how I wish we had that power.

If you had…

if The girls  I was into had- liked me back.

Just a small glimpse of what you’d have to put up with.

They were systematic. They went after my friends to get to me because They knew they couldn’t hurt me anymore directly because I didn’t give a shit that they didn’t like me.

I was alone.

For a long, long. Fucking time.

and relationships and love is a loss of control for me.

People can change my life.

And Women who like me back are largely a contingency I never anticipated or made plans for.

Like I said in my poetry- We’re a light that never was supposed to shine in the first place.

I was -always- interested in girls.

even growing up it just seemed like boys were mean and girls were so kind by contrast. We socially pressure women to be that way I suppose and I’m not saying anything about boys naturally being unempathetic and girls being naturally empathetic because I know Social conditioning plays a role and it’s effective even though we don’t want to admit it is.

But the girls were just always sweeter. I mean everything I know about women suggest a Guy will kick your ass whereas a Girl will spread Rumors about you but for better or worse you know? take them as they are.

and it’s true, I’ve been abused in really manipulative ways by women like sharing everything I sent privately with all of her class mates to embarrass me.

but I know some amazing women who d...

I remember the taunts.

“I don’t know what she see’s in him?”

Whispered behind my back like I couldn’t hear it.

It’s always the same.

Fucking Pricks cannot believe I’d ever be loved by somebody.

It’s always been like this.

I can remember a time when a Girl took me under her wing and protected me.

I never-

I’m glad they’re gone.

All that’s left is a Broken child that has been put through hell by his peers.

I’m broken.

But To be honest as much as I wanted the right to walk beside her
I never wanted her to suffer for me.

Somehow I always knew my lovers would be Harassed the way I was for daring to get close to me.

I never wanted them to suffer my tormentors.

I’m glad the bullies are gone because We’re alone now.

Nobody left to torment my sweet escape for daring to love me.

But as for me I’m a...